Big Tiny Steps

(At 0% of my original prescribed dosage)

WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW!

After roughly 15 years of daily use of and physical dependency on Adderall, today, April 24, 2025 marks Day #1 of absolutely zero Adderall.

It was a bit strange starting the day without popping one of my pills. But then again, the beauty of weaning down was that by this final week, the amount I was taking was so minimal that I have a hard time believing it was having much of an effect at all.

That said, I am going to give it about 4 days before any “Flushing Pills Down the Toilet” ceremony since I understand that it takes about 96 hours for it to completely leave my body, so I am being a bit extra-cautious that I don’t get some bizarre medical “oh, not so fast!”-type of reaction.

But at this point, the chances of that seem to be zero to none.

It’s good that I am making this entry a bit later in the day as well, since this gives me plenty of time to see that all hell has not broken loose.

A Particularly Good Day to Test the Waters Thanks to Bad News

And if ever there was a day to need a bit of the good ole’ Adderall pick-me-up, today would be it.

For the first time in my 3 decades in the workforce, I am going to be receiving an official written “warning”. My manager called me yesterday to give me the news, explaining that this was due to the fact that there have been reports of me not being sufficiently present at work, and I think he meant mostly physically present at my computer (I work remotely).

Now, this is 100% due to me being the parent and caregiver of a child with special needs. None of the time spent away from my computer during business hours is spent relaxing or “playing hookie”.

It’s more like doctor’s appointments, giving supplements and medications, and just plain giving this child some actual company to offset his exceedingly solitary life. So just like the many situations I’ve faced with our medical needs causing me to have to ask for money or otherwise “wheel and deal” with medical providors, bill collectors, debtors, family, etc, I am once again being treated like a freeloader for the crime of just trying to be a decent father and really, a decent human being.

So this morning was rough, and I am sure that the little bit of my body’s remaining craving for Adderall was not helpful.

This is a tough “new normal”, knowing that I am not only being watched, but also that my coworkers complained about me, and I’ve become that coworker who I know all to well. The kind who everyone is happy to see depart.

The funny thing is, when it comes to the actual work, the work I produce is far better, as these folks all contribute to an all-pervasive culture of corner-cutting and bad practices. But nonetheless, it is not unfair to claim that I am not spending anywhere near the agreed-upon 8 hours per day at my computer, and the company has keystroke-counting logs to prove it.

The “Large Stone”

So I say all of that not to whine, but to remind myself that this life that my family and I are clinging onto, for some time, has been trying to “evict” us and move us somewhere else, both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

At the moment, we don’t just live from paycheck to paycheck….we live from one paycheck to the next 2 paychecks. And now that the threat of losing my steady income has presented itself, this warning from the Universe, which started as a pebble and since grown into a large stone, is on its way to becoming a boulder.

The goal is to avoid the boulder.

The good news is that there are clear next steps to take towards this new life, so now is the time to embark on new adventures, as well as take the opportunity to learn more about time management to actually try and get 8 hours a day of work in while we wait for the next phase to materialize.

Conclusion

At any rate, there will be at least one more update here, probably with a photo of the pills floating in the toilet and a post-Adderall update. I may even rename this blog and turn it into a journal of a whole host of other changes I’d like to make by “weaning”, as this has been a fantastically successful project, and I am SO SO SO GRATEFUL to have put this long lived and freedom-squashing addiction behind me!