Big Tiny Steps

(At ~37.5% of full dosage, and 27 days after starting the Bright Mind natural Adderall alternative)

That’s right. Today was the day I had planned to hit the 25% milestone. But alas, my discipline got sucked up by my life-long addiction to staying up late. So despite me knowing that I had this drop in dosage planned for today, not to mention a busy day in general with a long drive in the afteroon, I went ahead and stayed up until after 2am last night, scrolling through YouTube shorts.

I woke up this morning with a “Freedom Headache” and “Freedom Exhaustion”, and with the long day I have in front of me, decided not to set myself up for failure. And I feel A-OK postponing the reduction because at this point, I have no doubt or lack of confidence in my resolve to see this through till the end.

There is nothing shaky about my resolve to get off of this poison. So as far as adding a day to the process, while it’s good to be aware of the addict mind’s tendency towards procrastination and self-delusion, it’s also important that I take comfort in the strength of my resolve and surrender.

An Opportunity to Give Myself a F**cking Break

There was also the lapse of discipline in my sugar intake yesterday, hitting the good old bulk bin at the super market (yougurt covered PBJ pretzel bites – HEALTHY!). And naturally, my older son experienced the same sugar cravings and behaved out of control in his attempts to get to the sweets in our house.

So what does all of this mean?

It means that today is an opportunity to be kind to myself, and keep it real.

Real, meaning, holy siht, I am going through a LOT right now, and I need to speak to myself the same way I’d speak to a friend going through the same challenges.

So there’s a beatiful purpose there.

I also slipped a bit in terms of the way I relate to my co-workers, with a slightly passive aggressive remark I made, which elicited a very passive agressive remark from a co-worker, which sent me into a deep feeling of anger.

Looking at my part and what brought me there, I can see that I was doing that thing I did during Trump’s first term, which was walking around rehearsing political debates in my mind, which energizes a sense of conflict and arguing in my sphere.

So I was simply reflecting my insides to the outside, and interpersonal conflict ensued.

Fortunately, I was able to spot what I was doing, and did not respond to the passive agressive and condescending response I got from my co-worker. But it was a good thing to see.

So the question I’ll leave you (and myself) with is….

WHAT CAN I MAKE THE WORLD REFLECT BACK TO ME TODAY?