Big Tiny Steps

(At ~37.5% of full dosage, and 26 days after starting the Bright Mind natural Adderall alternative)

Yesterday, what started as a very positive morning (as you can see in yesteday’s update, titled How Good Can I Take It…), quickly morphed into a mental and emotional shit show. Nothing changed in my physical reality, but I got sucked into the profound pain and fear caused by current events.

As an empath to the nth degree, I am almost irresistably drawn towards those feelings of pain that I can only imagine are currently being felt by those who are more directly in the crosshairs of this current administration than myself, while at the same time feeling as though it’s only a matter of time before me and my family are smack dab in the middle of those crosshairs as well.

I can’t stop thinking about regular people who are not hardened criminals, being tossed into these horrific conditions, especially the men being kidnapped and locked up in a massive torture chamber in El Salvador.

I am shaken to the core in witnessing the level of evil from those who have the power to free those who were sent there in error, but FIGHT to leave these people stranded in this agonizing and unjust punishment. “Eye-popping”, as one judge stated.

And so like with the child separation event from Trump “Season 2”, this one has its grips on me.

So as far as the Adderall stuff comes into play, I suppose my level of energy to withstand the attack, the intended attack of fear and the need for obedience and hellish images, is lessened.

Once again, I do have to sing thse praises of Bright Mind, as it gave me a very real infusion of energy and positivity yesterday afternoon with a second dose, which is becoming a bit of a habit and almost is addictive. But at the same time, I look forward to my next Bright Mind-free day, which will only serve as evidence of my freedom, knowing that I don’t NEED any substance to be OK. This will be an experiment and a new experience of handling substances appropriately and constructively.

OK, anyhow, rambling a bit here. But the point is, quitting Adderall is and always will be a bright spot in the midst of all the suffering and pain around me. I will have to learn to live with this pain and limit my exposure to the news, as it’s more than my, or anyone else’s nervous system is designed to handle.

As cave people, we were not exposed to this level of bad news around the clock from a seemingly-infinite number of sources with an infinite number of heartbreaking and stress-inducing accounts of heartbreak and terror.

Of course, this does not represent the vast, vast majority of this reality, which consists mainly of people waking up in the morning and going though their day propelled by love.

Love for their family, love for those rich and beautiful experiences of life such as playing with their kids or a pet, talking a walk, watching a funny show, listening to music, making love, expressing themselves through some sort of creative outlet, playing sports, and the list of beautiful love-infused activities goes on much, much longer than the list of horrors.

Yet the horrors are put before us. Sort of like mental terrorism.

And what is terrorism? It’s theater. Terrorism is a single violent act that in reality, only harms a miniscule percentage of the population, even something as horrific as 9/11. That unimaginable number of lives lost, still only represented a small fraction of the population of the United States.

Yet, in a very efficient manner, that single act of terrorizing “theater” put billions of people around the globe into a low vibation of fear, anger, and hatred, resulting in more acts of cruelty and war.

All based on an act that didn’t really represent a threat to the average person who is unbelievably unlikely to ever be killed or injured by an act of terrorism. But it’s just the suggestion, the mere suggestion that it is now within the realm of possibility, even an extremely remote possibility, serves to put us in this terror.

And so my job is to be aware of what’s happening in the world, but bring with that awareness the REALITY that this world is actually held together by love and kindness. The news would have us believe otherwise.

But it is impossible that the world would be mostly run on evil and hate. Otherwise, we’d be living in some sort of terrifying non-stop hellscape and really, the end of the world.

Yes, those hellscapes do exist, especially in places like Gaza. But Gaza is a rare, rare, rare exception, and most of the world doesn’t look like that.

Here, on Earth, at this time, the planet is jam-packed with beautiful beaches and neighborhoods and places where life is more or less peaceful. Of course there are inner city neighborhoods which are essentially war zones. But again, that is not the majority of the world.

And even within all of those war zones, are beings who are loving and doing their best to make things better so as to transform those war zones.

So really, all there is is love. And so I must remember that today, and every day.

Here goes nothing then…