Big Tiny Steps

(At ~50% of full dosage, and 17 days after starting the Bright Mind natural Adderall alternative but taking a day off of Bright Mind to prevent building a tolerance to it)

Feeling good this morning. So much writing to do, so much to express, although nothing really in terms of Adderall withdrawals. But the theme of freedom, which is the theme that is driving me towards leaving the prison of Adderall, is making itself more and more prominent as I connect with others on the spiritual path who are reflecting back to my why my life has seemed to plunge into this downwards spiral and pattern of:

1. Something bad happens
2. I experience powerful negative emotions
3. Those emotions attract into negative self-fullfilling prophecies
4. (rinse and repeat)

I am able to short-ciruit this pattern, temporarily, “plugging the holes in the damn with my thumb” with joyful activities – namey music and as as of late, messing around making videos in CapCut.

But ultimatlely, at this point, breaking out of the downward spiral is looking like it’s going to take a charcter change from that of “Dutiful Son” or “Dutiful Husband” or “Dutiful [fill in the blank]” with my primary motivation in life being to avoid my lifelong addiction to guilt.

Guilt has been a vicious jailer and suppresser and depressor and oppressor and pressure in my life. I realize that I am in a prison in my own making with a door that swings right open. But I need to take the first steps out of the prison.

This will involve not only internal work ,but also speaking the language of the physical 3D world, which is, ACTION.

If I want to actually experience the life I was meant to have, I must take ACTION. Any action. The Universe will notify me, rest assured, if it is not the best action for me.

I can’t stop thinking about the lyric in the song, “This Is It” – “Are you gonna wait for a sign? Your miracle. Stand up and fight!”

And this rings so true. With all of the metaphysics I’ve been learning about, mostly from Youtube videos (which there are so many great ones), I feel this powerful desire that the Universe or spirit or my Higher Self puts before my “signs” or syncronicities that spell out EXACTLY what the next steps are.

And there are whispers. But whispers are whispers, and I want a message from the mountaintop like Moses and the 10 Commandments. And such does not seem to be the case. At least not all the team.

There is always a message being delivered though, make no mistake, at all times, coming from the people I run into, conversations, everything I am CURRENTLY experiencing with my 5 senses and those more esoteric senses not yet understood by science, yet so impactful in our human experience.

So my theme today is the PRACTICE OF FREE WILL to continue this path toward FREEDOM, of which quitting Adderall is a big part, but not the only part. It’s an exertion and emodiment of the ENERGY I need, and it solidifies my journey and resolve that much more to move towards my ultimate freedom and highest and most authentic expression of myself.