Big Tiny Steps

(At ~63% of full dosage, and 7 days after starting the Bright Mind natural Adderall alternative)

Limited time once again this morning, but the quick update…

• Experiencing the most noticeable “Freedom Exhuastion” yet considering it’s morning time and I just took my cocktail of Adderall, 5-hour Energy, and Bright Mind. Still struggling to stay awake as I type this, which is very unusual because this is my favorite part of each day, my morning quiet time and I often find myself invigorated during this time.
• Yesterday was quite rough in terms of experiencing feelings of sadness and fear due to my current life circumstances. Especially pronounced was, and still is, actually, fear of the fiancial variety.
• By the time the afternoon rolled around, I decided I need to take some action to shift my inner experience, so I took 15 minutes out of my work day and went to jam out on the keyboard in my headphones, which were turned up at about full blast.
• This worked incredibly well for me, almost like a drug. Since that darkness of the painful thoughts and emotions is like a drug, the antedote is letting myself “disappear into the music”. Wow, what a high. The majority of the rest of my day was completely transformed.
• Took a super-helpful nap in the evening, also very helpful.
• My around 10pm, I found myself grumpy and impatient, and not performing as I’d like to in terms of dealing with my kids.
• I am seeing that in terms of my finances, I need to start focusing on changing beliefs. The best way I’ve found to work on that is this incredible article with an accompanying video by the great spiritual teacher, Teal Swan.
• Also came up with a new term – “Inner Weight Loss” as the process I am working on. Especially cool is thinking about how the word “light” means BOTH a lack of weight as well as illumination. I wonder why I’ve never heard anyone speak about this amazing combination of meanings housed in a single word.

So that’s it for now, will try to be kind to myself today and remember that “easy does it.”