Big Tiny Steps

OK, so this is really odd.

Here I am on Day 3, on my first lowered dose, feeling actually BETTER and more ENERGIZED than I did when on my normal dose.

This is truly beter than I’ve felt in a long time.

And it’s unexpected. I figured that the best case scenario would be me feeling the same.

But better? But BUZZING with energy and ENTHUSIASM?

Yes, I realize that this could be the “pink cloud” of sobriety that they talk about in AA, where sobriety feels so new and exciting. But you know what, it’s important that we experience that pink cloud, even if it’s not permanent.

Why?

Because it illustrates the fact that there IS indeed a sense of freedom that stems from release from the grips of an addiction. It’s sot of like if you are in a long-term relationship with a romantic partner (wife, girfriend, boyfriend, partner, etc), and that relationship has lost its luster, it’s magic, its excitement, its romance, it’s physical attraction.

If that relationship had those things in the past, well, that’s a good sign. It means that it exists somewhere in time. Of course there no guarantee that you can make it return, but it’s a much better sign pointing to the possibility of rekindling that “fire”. For if that fire was never there in the first place, the viability of the relationship becomes much more uncertain.

So no matter what goes down over the coming weeks and months, I know that a very positive feeling of energy and freedom accompanies a reduction in my Adderall intake.

The “fire” and excitement of this journey has materialized, and nothing, aboslutely nothing can change that. I know from here moving forward that I have these first 3 days as my North Star.

Now, if you’re in your first few days of weaning and reading this but feeling the complete opposite of what I am describing, then don’t worry yourself, AT ALL.

For if there’s on thing you know for sure, it’s that being bound to an addiction feels BAD, and nothing, aboslutely NOTHING can change THAT. So keep going.

These are just thoughts off the top of my head. Just my experience. Take or leave what you like. Don’t give you mind an “out” that allows you to become discouraged and quit.

These are words from a human, not the gospel truth. Your experience could be the complete opposite.

Fast forward two weeks from now and I could find myself in the pits of hell, looking to someone like you who is brimming with excitement, joy, peace, and freedom having walked through hell and coming through the other side.

We all need eachother. We all need to celebrate and energize a SOLUTION. No matter what doom and gloom we read on Reddit. Fuck that shit. Fuck the doom and gloom that Dr. Google prescribes. Stand in defiance of that which seeks to oppress and limit you, whether that be a person, or words of discouragement from other humans on the internet.

Wow….it’s like I’ve become a preacher, and this too is something I experienced in the early days of my sobriety. And by “early days”, I mean early early years, embarrassing as it is to admit.

In our newfound freedom uncovered sense of love, that love does what love is mean to do, which is to emanate from its source and find others in need of it. But in those early days, people such as myself at least, lack the wisdom to live by the principle of “attraction rather than promotion”, and start offering unsolicited advice and spiritual counseling to those who don’t need it, or aren’t ready for it.

So we repel those people and possibly even delay their own spiritual awakening by modeling pretentiouness and hypocrisy.

But that’s ok. It’s all part of the process. The truth is, as someone who has broken free from the grips of a powerful addiction. you will be a source of light exponentially more powerful than you could have been while still enslaved.

While in the throes of active addiction, we are usually a drain on those around us.

And make no mistake. Our addiction is a form of self-medication, and if we simply remove the substance or the behavior without a change in character, then we are even MORE dangerous, as people come to trust us again and let us in. And once we’re back in someone’s life, there is the opportunity to create real damage.

So that’s why it’s so important to get to the root cause of the addiction. Without that, we’re a sitting duck, vulnerable to being “kidnapped” again.

At any rate, like I said, no matter what happens, these words of hope and encouragement that are flowing out of me at this moment are a powerful “north star” that I can look to if and when the shit hits the fan.

Onwards!