Big Tiny Steps

Wow, ok, so Day 1 was….freaking awesome.

Like, awesome to the point where I questioned whether or not I accidentally took my normal dosage and ADDED that half a pill. But I highly doubt it.

This morning, I made 200% sure that my dosage was indeed half a pill LESS than my full dosage, and so far, I am already buzzing with energy as though I took EXTRA Adderall this morning.

Plus, my sleep last night was quite bad and interrupted on multiple occasions. Little to no REM for me. But still, I feel good.

I know that there is a level of excitement as I look forward to writing in this journal each day with my report, and creating this story of success.

Now….I am not pretending that there is a guarantee that things will remain this easy, but I am open to the possibility of it. In fact, when I quit drinking, the tapering off period ended up being more or less unncessary because I was done.

By “done”, I mean spiritually done. So when our soul tells us it’s time to move on, and we follow that voice, then often times things in out lives unfold in a way that feels natural and gently and we don’t necessarily have to have these growing pains.

There will always be growing pains of some sort, but to be honest, I figured that the crappy feelings would start immediately.

Why?

Because even at full dosage, I’ve felt withdrawals on certain days when my body for whatever reason needed more of this “chemical fuel”. So I figured that each day my body has been “riding the line”, just “inches” from the feeling of the beginnings of withdrawals with the headaches and depression.

So I am choosing to savor the triumph of completing a full day of feeling BETTER on a lower dose than a higher dose.

I am still planning increasing my dosage (aka the temporary “retreat“) up by 2.5mg once I get down to that reduction of 5mg just an an “insurance policy” against the possibility of unexpected withdrawals kicking in.

The weaning process is still a bit of a work in progress though as I question whether or not stretching this process over 20 weeks introduces an unncessary long period of having to discipline myself away from the temptation to “abort mission” if the challenges in my life ramp up.

But at this moment, I am optimistic.